I am not a burden

We're taught a lot of bullshit about relationships, but one lie that's been sticking out to me lately is the one about high maintenance versus low maintenance -- namely, that if someone is "high maintenance," they are an inferior partner, a burden, selfish, self-absorbed, petty and must have some other quality that makes their partner willing to "put up with" them. Because no one could ever have a good reason for being high maintenance, right?
Well, no. Actually, fuck no. But before we get all ranty, let's operationalize some variables. Because science is fun, kids.
"High maintenance" (HM) is a description that in this case I'm applying to people who prefer more frequent interaction with their relationship partner. Whatever
We're taught a lot of bullshit about relationships, but one lie that's been sticking out to me lately is the one about high maintenance versus low maintenance -- namely, that if someone is "high maintenance," they are an inferior partner, a burden, selfish, self-absorbed, petty and must have some other quality that makes their partner willing to "put up with" them. Because no one could ever have a good reason for being high maintenance, right?
Well, no. Actually, fuck no. But before we get all ranty, let's operationalize some variables. Because science is fun, kids.
"High maintenance" (HM) is a description that in this case I'm applying to people who prefer more frequent interaction with their relationship partner. Whatever the norm is for each stage of the relationship, they skew toward the end of the distribution that prefers more time together. They tend to be ok with letting their partners know that they want something, though they may not always be direct. This definitely can cause conflict if needs aren't stated directly. If the partner isn't HM, needs may be incompatible. Resentment may build over having to argue over the same damn thing. Oh hey, look, it's just like every relationship.
So what makes this different?
For some reason, it's ok to shame someone for asking for what they need if it's "too hard." I'm not talking "buy me a Ferrarri every birthday" hard; I'm talking "be compassionate and supportive about my disability" hard. People with disabilities, chronic illnesses, or mental illness constantly worry about this while dating: "When should I tell the person I'm dating that I have X? When is too soon? When is too late?" As much as we try to stick to the rallying cry that we don't want to be with anyone who would reject us for a disability or illness, it gets exhausting to end relationships because we are too broken.
So I'm calling bullshit.
I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed. And if you start coming at me with a screwdriver, I will step neatly aside and let you barrel on out the window, because I have no need for your modifications. Yes, my mind jumbles things sometimes. Yes, I can be mercurial. But I prefer myself to be a volatile creative force, ever-changing and growing, than grow stagnant and boring. I know I am not a burden -- I've been carrying myself my entire life. If you think I'm too heavy, it's your own weakness showing.